I’ve lived quite a nomadic life these past few weeks–GMA on weekdays, used to share a room but recently moved out, cut a chunk of my savings so I could pay for rent in a room all by myself, weekends spent either in Makati, Alabang, Nueva Ecija, and one time, even in LGV. It’s really quite tiring to go back and forth these places, especially having to always bring ‘home’ around. Usually, I’d have a backpack, a sling bag and an exceptionally heavy luggage in tow when traversing from one place to another in a bus, a cab or even in the train.
I honestly don’t have any issues with this set-up. I feel like its a necessary step for me as I start a career, as I grow and mature, as I face the real world. Hindi ko na talaga iniinda yung mga petty concerns tulad nito. Mas importante ang trabaho.”
But as I was being pushed by impatient passengers at the MRT today, on my way to Makati after an eventful and meaningful day at work, my body tired, spirit blank, I asked myself, what am I working hard for? Who am I working hard for?
My family? My relatives? Charles?
I immediately crossed them out. They’re well to do on their own, in fact, they see my work as something of little consequence. A cousin went as far as saying “So ano, nagtratrabaho ka lang para makabili ng milk tea?” She was referring to my salary. I swear, these people need to grow up and mature.
So am I just working hard for myself?
It sounds good. I work hard, I earn, I live, I prosper, I grow. I deserve it. I really do.
But it sounds empty.
And so in the middle of a jampacked MRT train, with my bags in tow, as my hand clenched a metal pole, I realized how empty it would all be without someone to share everything with.
All I really want is for someone to be around, someone dependable, someone I can be completely honest to, someone I can share my stories with. Someone who would be with me through and through, from what I’m doing now, to what ever I’ll be doing in the future.
Is there somebody out there? Somebody somewhere to show me the tenderness I need
Somebody to hold me when worries control me